12. February 2007 09:33
Für mich war die Beschäftigung mit Pick-Up (dt. Aufriss) immer eine Methode um als Mann zu wachsen und eine kraftvollere männliche Identität zu entwickeln. Ich wollte natürlich anziehend auf das andere Geschlecht wirken, ohne dass ich Tricks, Sprüche oder Techniken brauche um mein Ego durchzubringen. Anders gesagt, wollte ich mein bestes Selbst herauszuarbeiten, so dass ich sein kann wie ich bin und aber trotzdem Erfolg bei den Frauen habe.
In der internationalen Gemeinschaft der Pick-Up-Artists (Aufriss-Künstler) gibt es ein Exemplar, dass sich vom Rest abhebt, weil er komplett den Hirn-basierten Aufrisstechniken abschwört und auch Gefühle und Spiritualität mit ins Spiel bringt. Er wurde mir von einem Mitglied der österreichischen PUA-Community emfohlen, weil seine Einstellung zum Thema Beziehungsanbahnung und Beziehung eher der meinigen entsprechen würde.
Dieser geniale Sonderling heißt Stephane Hemon und sein heutiger Newsletter war so kraftvoll, dass ich ihn hier abdrucken will. Hätten mehr Menschen diesen Durchblick, dann gäbe es mehr glückliche Beziehungen und überhaupt mehr Liebe auf der Welt. Dieser Stephane war mit ein Grund, weshalb ich meiner Partnerin Britta ohne Verführungstaktik begegnen konnte. Hätte ich Sprüche oder Techniken bei ihr probiert, wäre sie vermutlich schreiend davon gelaufen, denn diese hätte sie sofort durchschaut, wie so alles andere auch, was in meinem Kopf vorgeht.
ideaGasms(R) - Welcome To The Front Lines Of Dating, S E X, And Relationship Consciousness.
"What To Say When Women Push You Away"
Dear Spiritual Warriors and Self-Gurus,
Take the time to carefully read this guy's question. It's a
good one, and it also includes an email he got from his new
"girlfriend".
I think her email is usefully interpreted as a "Yin Test", and
I'm sure that most, if not ALL of you have been in this situation
before...
***QUESTION***
Hey Stephane,
I recently attracted this bisexual girl, by using the Secret,
and subtle attraction building things - with reasonable results
so far. Just yesterday I went over to her house, and we kissed
and had great sex, again. I thought everything was going pretty
well. But today I got a rather disheartening mail from her.
I'm trying to look at it positively, but I can't help but feel
bad about it. So I'd like to get your opinion on this.
Stephane, here is what she sent me:
>HER EMAIL:
Hi,
I wanted to send you this mail now, otherwise I wouldn't stop
thinking about it. I'm really totally confused today, and honestly
can't take that right now. I'm afraid the good moments won't
weigh up to the moments that I'll be pondering about this and
feeling badly. Because for me it's a lot more complex than for
you - my entire self image is getting turned around. And I know
I should stop and think about that, but I really can't do it
now.
I'm having trouble writing all of this down, because I REALLY
feel attracted to you, and I like being with you, so I know
it will be hard for me to not give into it. But it's the worst
possible timing. And somewhere I do believe that it's only happening
because of what I went through, that I need you right now -
but that also means that I'm pretty sure that it will pass.
I know myself.
I can write down a number of reasons why we should give it a
try, but for me there are too many reasons not to do it. I just
hope you understand me and that you're not pissed, I'm already
pissed at myself because I asked for it myself.
And even at the end of my mail I'm in doubt, but I really can't
do it. It sucks.
Sorry for all of this, and my unclear mail, but I really can't
get my thoughts straight right now.
You can always mail back to me, but I would really prefer if
you don't try to persuade me. I'm really having a hard time
with my decision, but I know it's better for my sanity and my
school work.
Just know that I really like you.
xxx
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Ah yes, pushing away Love.
People do this all the time, and it's really, really sad.
We tend to let people in, but ONLY SO CLOSE before shutting
down and not allowing them to come any closer. And, we tell
ourselves that we have all of these "reasons" (bullsh1t stories!)
for doing so.
The big fear in intimacy these days seems to be, (Whiny voice)
"I'm afraid of getting hurt!"
"Yeah yeah yeah... Go kill yourself in that case - It'll only
hurt ONCE!"
Here is my suggested reply; this is probably what I would reply
to this girl if I were in your shoes. I can't say for sure what
you SHOULD do, because I all I have is this email to go on.
PLEASE be your own guru about this. Here goes -
>POSSIBLE REPLY:
"Dear 'New Girlfriend',
Have you ever pushed someone away and later regretted it?
I have.
And you know what?
To me, the absolute BEST part about having someone in your life
is this:
*SUPPORT* during life's hard, confusing times.
No offense dum-dum!
Look, if you really want to throw me away like this, I will
honor your decision, and I truly do wish you all the best.
...And all of that other horsesh1t that you're supposed to say
to girls when they think that guys like me are a dime-a-dozen
and that pushing love away is a good idea!
Good luck trying to convince yourself that I'm wrong. You have
24 hours to reconsider; otherwise I'll be hitting the single's
scene looking for stronger, proactive women who know a good
thing when they have it.
*hugs*
Stephane"
Does that seem a little "rough" to you guys?
Well, the truth is a hard-hitting energy. People don't always
like what I have to say, but I don't f/ck around. Not when it
comes to my Heart.
It is high time for us to WAKE UP and smell the fear-based "issues"
that women are spoon-feeding us.
If that woman really wants to be alone right now, obviously
it is wise to honor that. But more often than not, this kind
of whiny "I'm confused, I don't want to be hurt" is pure stinky
fear-based poo poo.
Fact: Ladies and Gents, you are probably going to be hurt by
people...
Women (and even your friends) are going to do some downright
RUDE, inconsiderate, sh1tty things to you. Yes, even the people
you love and trust are going to make mistakes.
Most of us are NOT done learning the lessons of Life and Love,
and you probably all have some VERY painful lessons ahead.
We're all students... including... yours truly.
Do I really know FOR CERTAIN that my current girlfriend isn't
going to "crack" one day and do something that seriously affects
the way we feel about each other?
Are there any GUARANTEES?
No way.
YOU NEVER KNOW what can happen.
Opening your Heart to someone can be a scary thing.
It feels scary because human beings fear the UNKNOWN more than
they fear DEATH in some cases. And a relationship is something
that involves two (or more!) people who choose to forge a path
into the unknown with each other.
Human beings tend to WORRY about the future, and they also put
a lot of unnecessary pressure on themselves and their loved
ones.
We put way too much pressure on our relationships.
For example, in The Girlfriend Training Program I recommend
letting go of the old "Until Death Do Us Part" consciousness.
It only serves to CHOKE the relationship because it's a dumb
rule to follow.
The trick with relationships - and with LIFE in general - is
to stay in the Now Moment. It's okay to make plans and set goals,
but then you return to the Now and enjoy your life.
You see, "Until Death Do Us Part" only takes into account PHYSICAL
DEATH.
But, you know what?
Relationships are NOT only about the physical! A relationship
also involves an EMOTIONAL element and a SPIRITUAL element.
And, when two people's paths uncross...
When the man or woman you Love is no longer EMOTIONALLY COMPATIBLE
with you (for example, they may betray you in any number of
ways and break your TRUST) there is no "God" in this Universe
that will punish you for leaving that person. Self-Love, SELF-RESPECT
is NOT a "Sin" as you have been told.
Some of you will say, "But Steph, I'm not religious!"
That may be true, but the old rules are still very much a part
of our CONSCIOUSNESS. And it's this old, outdated church consciousness
that is primarily responsible for the GUILT we feel when we
think about "dumping" someone.
That, and "suicide"... Do you know how many guys email me because
they are seriously afraid that their immature girlfriend is
actually going to kill herself if they leave her?
But anyway, the old "God fearing" consciousness wants to go
now... it wants to be released. It served us at one time and
we learned from it, but now (for many of us) it's time to let
it go.
Along these lines, there is also a SPIRITUAL component of a
relationship.
I'm not talking so much about Ghosts and Goblins; I'm referring
to the MISSION, or PURPOSE of your relationship and of your
reason for being here on Earth.
If you are a man reading this, I'm quite certain that in your
Heart, deep within your Heart you know that you are here for
a reason. There are things you want to accomplish, and you know
that your true purpose is to serve others with your unique gifts.
And it's not so much about making money and buying fancy toys
- it's about making a DENT IN THIS WORLD. It's about contributing
something in your own unique way - however big or small - whether
it is through your music, art, writing, singing, playing, being
a good parent, etc.
And unless you put your life purpose ahead of your "nagging
girlfriend", unless you learn to follow your Heart's desires
and never compromise that to win the approval of a woman, you'll
never be happy and fulfilled in your core.
And, if you're a feminine woman reading this, I'm sure you realize
that building a career will only fulfill you to a certain extent!
If you are feminine in your core, and you want to be with a
man who is masculine in his core, I'm sure you realize that
his Life Purpose is always going to be more important to him
than you are.
And, if you are to follow his lead, his purpose better be something
that you feel is truly worthwhile!
This is the SPIRITUAL component of the relationship that I was
referring to - the Purpose. A relationship is about Interdependent
Teamwork.
When a couple reaches an impasse - for example, let's say you're
a man on a mission, and your purpose is to join Green Peace
and contribute to our world on that level.
And, while you are on this path, you meet a woman who really
loves, admires, and respects what you are doing. And it is something
that she is more than happy to follow your lead on. She becomes
your best friend and together, you both work very hard on this
particular path.
Well, what happens in 6 years from now if the man suddenly wants
to change his path, his mission, his purpose?
Let's say he feels that he has done what he wanted to do for
Green Peace and now he wants to, say, start a rock band and
live out the rest of his days screaming obscene things into
a microphone.
Nothing is "wrong" with that if that's what he wants, we all
have free will. But, his woman doesn't like the idea. It's not
exactly something she would like to do in her Heart. It's just
not for her, and she wouldn't really respect herself if she
stays with him.
Well, their path has uncrossed. They had an awesome 6 years
together and now it's time to move on.
There is SO MUCH MORE to a relationship than the physical! The
old clause, "Until Death Do Us Part" no longer applies. It is
very, very outdated now, and it's time to let it go if you want
healthier relationships.
I think most humans are evolved enough now to actually acknowledge
that there is more to life than the PHSYSICAL plane.
I think it's fine to get married... go for it! Have a celebration
in honor of your Love. Want to make "raising kids" your mission
in life? Go for it.
But, if one day your paths uncross and the spiritual and/or
emotional part of the relationship, the PATH you are on is no
longer compatible, the relationship is now dead. And that's
okay!
Again - when the emotional part of a relationship no longer
works, for example your loved one is betraying your trust, or
somehow no longer able to give you the emotional support that
you need - the relationship has died.
So let's UPDATE the old clause, shall we?
"Until Death Do Us Part" shall include MORE than just physical
death. It now includes the Spiritual AND the Emotional death.
When it comes to relationships, there are NO GUARANTEES, ever.
You never know what can happen. People's paths sometimes UNCROSS.
Your lover might decide they need to join the circus or something!
But closing your Heart and saying, "There are no guarantees,
I will therefore close my Heart and not take any risks" is just
STUPID.
...And by that I mean, "Fear-based".
We let people in, but rarely do we ever let them ALL THE WAY
into our Heart's. There is a tendency to let people in just
a little, and then fear of getting hurt kicks in and we push
them away! How stupid!!
Now, living with an open Heart can be summed up as "High Self-Esteem".
And HSE can be yours when you choose to embody the following
Inner Game Frame -
"I Accept Myself Fully As I Am."
Note: This does NOT mean that you have now "graduated" from
life and will suddenly become lazy and unmotivated. It is the
OPPOSITE.
Self-Acceptance is the polar opposite of low self-esteem, or
SELF-REJECTION.
We have been socially conditioned (or POISONED!) to use PAIN
as a motivational tool. We tend to use the stick instead of
the carrot, and the stick DOESN'T WORK.
When we make a mistake, we tend to use GUILT and SHAME (the
stick) to motivate ourselves to learn lessons. How stupid!
Guilt and Shame are the two big dis-eases right now. They cause
cancer and dis-ease unlike anything else - HEROIN is a lot better
for you than Guilt and Shame!
Rejecting the Self is NEVER a good idea.
Use the CARROT instead of the stick. If you make a mistake,
rather than going inside and saying to yourself all kinds of
mean, nasty things and rejecting yourself, why not just say,
"Glad I noticed!" instead?
Learn the goddamn lesson, and get on with it!
Guilt & Shame only serve to reinforce the undesired behavior
because it weakens you. It doesn't WORK.
Only Love works.
When you make the decision to live with an open Heart by embodying
"I Accept Myself Fully As I Am" MAGIC HAPPENS.
But don't take my word for it. Ever.
Try something:
Place both hands on your Heart and say those words to yourself.
Say it like you mean it.
Does it make you feel peaceful?
Want to solve just about every relationship problem you could
ever have?
Love Yourself.
The goddamn cheesy self-love bullsh1t... ACTUALLY WORKS.
But, it takes courage.
Imagine that - needing COURAGE to Love YOU!
But it does take courage because when you start loving yourself,
all of a sudden your friends, family, and current lovers are
going to SH1T ALL OVER YOU for doing this.
I promise you that you will lose friends over it.
That comes with an ideaGasms(R) Iron-Clad Guarantee: You will
LOSE FRIENDS if you love yourself. Count on it.
The human race is deeply sick right now.
DEEPLY SICK because we're identified with our minds, which necessarily
means we're identified with Ego.
When you start loving yourself, it will scare the crap out of
your loved ones because they are used to you being a certain
way. They know how to relate to you, they know how to push your
buttons and manipulate you.
>If you doubt this, read the following newsletter from my archive
about "Energy Vampires" and you can decide for yourself if what
I'm saying is true for you or not - Let's see if you recognize
these people:
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=Newsletters/refresh01
Loving yourself fully as you are is a scary, and downright dangerous
thing to do in our society. Jesus was killed over this.
Some of you are going to decide to stay behind on this one,
and that's okay. Not everyone - as condescending as this might
sound to anyone who has low self-esteem - but not everyone is
ready to do this.
You have to understand Fear before you can truly, deeply, fully
understand Love. I for one honor those who choose to stay behind.
I do! I might make fun of you from time to time (!) but deep
down I understand Karma so it's easy for me to honor your current
level of ignorance.
Plus, it would be rather hypocritical of me to dishonor people
with LSE because I needed to go through that myself to get to
where I am today. We all CHOOSE "unbalanced" things so that
we may learn from them.
But, if you feel you're ready to Blaze The Trail for the rest
of humanity to follow in your footsteps... I think the world
really, really needs you right now.
The relationship with Self is ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS in life.
Lovers and relatives and friends will ALWAYS come and go, but
the relationship you have with YOU will remain forever. You
are stuck with yourself (!) for ETERNITY.
I have discovered a "HOW TO", or a BLUEPRINT, or a ROAD MAP
for learning to Love Yourself.
I know a lot of people out there are also telling you that you
must "love yourself", but some people are really stuck in their
heads and wonder, ?How the heck do you ?love yourself?? A RELATIONSHIP
with MYSELF? What, am I supposed to fall in love with my mirror
and jerk off to myself or something?"
Well, not really... Yes and no.
The trick is to learn how to make the distinction between your
Ego (fear-based thought patterns) and your Heart (love-based
thought patterns).
Once you know the difference, you'll eventually learn to LEAD
with your HEART. Do you have any idea how much WISDOM is in
your Heart?
Now, as I said, this isn't for everyone. You're either "ready"
for this, or you aren't! Everyone has his or her own Karmic
Wheel, so-to-speak, and everyone is at a different level. Which
is exactly where they need to be.
Since we live in such a difficult time right now with wars everywhere
and "pussy power" and macho guys and everything else, to me
HSE is really about being a "Spiritual Warrior".
And being a "Spiritual Warrior" as a MUCH higher level than
being a "Pick up artist"(!), just so you know.
ideaGasms(R) isn't so much about "succeeding with women", it's
more about succeeding with YOURSELF. And no worries - women
will BEG you to sleep with them, I assure you.
...STRONG women who know what's good for them, that is!
And the Spiritual Warrior, it's NOT about waging war with others,
it's not about "war" at all.
It's about Trailblazing Self-Love for the rest of humanity,
literally. It is about leading by example.
It's about being strong enough to Love Yourself EVEN WHEN your
friends, lovers, society, and family members reject and berate
you over it!
NOT for the weak of Heart. This is why I like the term "Warrior"
and I say these newsletters are the "Front Lines" of relationship
consciousness.
>COMMERCIAL: I've put together a Self-Love How-To program for
those of you who's Heart is now beating faster from reading
this newsletter.
If you just read this and you feel MOTIVATED to learn and do,
I think this program is going to resonate with you immensely
-
http://www.ideagasms.com/content.jsp?c=chakras
Give it an honest try, and if it's not for you, simply ask for
a refund within 30 days and I will honor it. But give it a chance
at least.
The relationship with YOURSELF is where true freedom from fear
lies, and I want to thank, and honor, those of you who have
the GUTS to do this.
YOU are the next world leaders.
Namaste, and Godspeed on your path.
Be well,
Stephane